Sharing My Heart ~ Tracy Lynn Paul

Tonight I sit on my couch with two mini-aussies, a glass of King Estates pinot gris and a handful of dark chocolate covered Acai berries. My children are quietly tucked in their beds, in a home we’ve been in for 1 year, this weekend. Everything is different and nothing is as it is supposed to be.

Do you ever feel that way? I think about my situation and I know that 15 years ago, when I dreamed about this day, I never dreamed it to look like this. Even just a year ago, I never dreamed it to look like this. Its not the way its supposed to be, not in the world according to my plans or understanding of the way life should go.

I think about others that have had their lives torn apart by divorce and I know they have quiet moments of ‘this is not the way its supposed to be”.

I think about my friend who’s husband was diagnosed with ALS(Lou Geherig’s disease). I can only imagine that she and her children and her family are thinking that it is “not the way its supposed to be”.

I think about my single, never been married friends and as they sit at home I know they have moments of ‘not the way its supposed to be’.

I think about my childhood friend, whose mother went to be with Jesus last year. It’s ‘not the way its supposed to be’.

There are so many scenarios that I begin to wonder if it is really ‘not the way its supposed to be’ or more like ‘just the way it’s supposed to be’. I do believe that God knows the plans He has for me. I do believe that I can’t screw up those plans or change those plans. So, if I believe that then it stands to reason that I must believe that things are ‘just the way they are supposed to be’.

Is that possible? All things are possible….so they say…with God. All things. Possible.
Just they way they are supposed to be….

Dear friend,

God’s word is alive and active and it changes.  Seriously, I’ve been an avid bible reader for YEARS now and sometimes I’ll go to read a well-known story, such as found in the book of Ruth and I’ll *sigh* and think…how many times can you read this story.  Please join me in stopping this mindset when it comes to God’s word.  The stories change!  They morph to fit your circumstances and God speaks to you through His word no matter how many times you’ve read it.

I don’t know how many times I’ve read the book of Ruth over the past couple of years but the other day I read it AGAIN and God spoke something completely different to me. I’ve read the story from the point of view of Naomi the widow, the loss, the discouragement.  I’ve read it from the point of view of Ruth, the daughter-in-law.  The love she had for her dear friend Naomi.  I’ve read this story and stood on my soap box about strong women in the bible and how they stick together.  I read it last summer as a love story and fell in love with the fairy tale and romance of it all.  But recently God opened my eyes to see it from the point of view of Boaz!  Seriously, this is a MAN!

Boaz heard about Ruth’s devotion to Naomi and he admired that dedication.  Boaz was kind and blessed Ruth.  At the nudging of Naomi, Ruth took a pretty big risk and approached Boaz to be her ‘kinsman-redeemer’.  She went to him and was basically asking Boaz to take on all her past baggage and to restore what was taken from her and her family.  Boaz received her gently saying “Don’t be afraid…all my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character” (Ruth 3:10-11) 

There is a Boaz that is sure to turn up in my life. He may be watching me glean from the fields of life now; he may just see that God is creating in me a woman of noble character and he may approach me to glean in his field only…oh the fairytale of it all.  Either way here is what I’ve learned from Ruth and how to recognize a Boaz when he comes.

1. A Boaz respects you.  Boaz was a man of respect, his godly character and respect showed in his response to Ruth “The Lord bless you, my daughter…I will do for you all you ask”.  Sweet man.
2. A Boaz is patient with the process.  The law God gave put into place a certain process that was to be respected in cases like Ruth.  Boaz waited until he knew Ruth was free to redeemed by him and he took his bride.
3. A Boaz will handle your ‘baggage’ with care.  Boaz was not only willing to buy the land that belonged to Ruth’s dead husband but he was also willing to honor it as his own.  This cost Boaz a lot financially and emotionally.  Unlike others along the way Boaz was willing to accept all the ‘baggage’ that came along with marrying Ruth.  We all have some baggage, it’s a matter of finding the Boaz that is willing to care for it and unpack it with you.
4. A Boaz notices more than just beauty.  Ruth was a looker.  She stood out among the crowd but Boaz saw beyond that to Ruth’s heart and cherished more than her looks.

You may or may not be looking for a Boaz.  But I hope if nothing else you might take away this little truth.  Boaz is a symbol of Jesus as our ultimate Kinsman-Redeemer.  Jesus brought us back from the enemy of our souls.  Just like Boaz, Jesus can handle all the baggage of your life.  He was picked just for you to take care of your wounds and take you as His own.  May you recognize that you have not been left without a redeemer, the restorer of life and sustainer of all has chosen you!  May that bring you hope and security and peace!

~Loved

Last May 2010 I posted this picture:

Today God has moved me to here:

I haven’t formed an opinion yet as to which place is better to be….

Coming up….RUTH! 

 Have you read it? If you have you probably have the “been there, done that” thought about the book of Ruth.  Oh my friend you need to stop that way of thinking!  God’s word is alive and active. This story of Ruth has changed like a chameleon in my life and I’m about to share with you all about lessons from Ruth!   Hang tight and check with me tomorrow!

Did ya hear the rumor that the world was supposed to end yesterday 5/21 at 6pm, EST. I’m really not sure where these people got their information. I know the Mayan calendar didn’t go past this date or something, but how in the world did they get the time 6pm Easter Standard Time?

Do you think God is constricted by the Mayan calendar? I assure you NOT. God’s time and space is nothing like our time and space. The bible says that NO ONE will know the time or day of the Lord’s return. I’m banking that this means the Mayan’s didn’t know that the 21st of May 2011 was the last day of civilization. I’m guessing that they just ran out of paper or someone got tired of carving little squares on a stone tablet:)

Here is what I do know….the idea of the world ending stirred up a lot of people. People quit their jobs for crying out loud! Some people gave their money away(probably not such a bad thing). I wonder how they will reconcile this on Monday morning?

Something in each of us longs for something more. Whether you believe in the heaven or not, you long for something more. We are searching and seeking. Trying and living. Failing and prospering. Your heart is longing to be filled and whether you believe it or not the only thing that will truly satisfy is God filling that space in your heart.

At the prospect of yesterday being my last day on Earth I personally stopped cleaning my house and put off doing laundry. I lived as though it was my last day. I spent some time in prayer, I read the bible, I played with my kids, I watched my kids play with their friends. I let my daughter mess up the kitchen TWICE with her baking and I hugged my son each time he came out of the MAN CAVE. I soaked up the sun for the 15 minutes it shined on my back patio. I planted some flowers and breathed in fresh air. I worshipped in the evening and prayed that the God of Heaven WOULD come down. Turns out yesterday wasn’t the day….

But today could be or tomorrow or the next day. I’m deciding to set my heart on Eternity, which means my days will look a little different and my choices will reflect a heart that lives for Jesus to come back. This is a lifestyle change that takes a person of purpose to attain. The world has a huge magnetic pull….but if you purpose to set your heart on Eternity you can train yourself away from the world. This is not your home, Jesus is preparing a place for you.

See you soon!

Some things never change, like:

Uncle Fred and Aunt Betty, Mom’s chocolate cake and Jesus.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of Heavenly lights, who DOES NOT CHANGE like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

Its really good to have things in your life that stay the same. There are other things, no doubt, that stay the same that don’t make me nearly as happy. As a matter of fact there are many things in my life that seem to never change and I’m pretty disappointed about it! However, today I am thankful for some things that are constants in my life.

Like Uncle Fred and Aunt Betty. My mom’s brother and sister-in-law have always be constants. They look the same, talk the same, love the same, encourage the same. Same smile, same stories, same hug, same kiss. Unchanging in my life. Anchors of hope.

Mom’s chocolate cake. Another sure thing. Each bite tastes the same, I know what I’m getting with each slice of goodness. Its been in my life since the day I was born and each time I can count on it to satisfy. Never changes. My cakes, often change, much like shifting sand…moms, not so much, mostly always the same and with each tender morsel comes security.

Jesus….never changes, ever, never, not once. Always counted on and always comes through. God knows the plans He has for me and those plans NEVER change. No matter what I do or don’t do…God still has the plan. All things are possible with my Jesus. Not some things, or half the things but all things. All.

Thankful today for things that never change.

The problem with vacations is they are only a temporary respite from the reality of life. Days of sleeping in, sun, reading, taking care of no one but myself and then with just a short fight home I’m plunked right back into the middle of it all. Confession: I cried on my way home.

Please don’t get me wrong…I LOVE my kids, I’m blessed with an amazingly flexible job that provides so much, I have an super duper support system and loving family that live right here in this city! Life for me is good and fruitful and not many would dare complain. I dare not complain either. I just realized that the pressure and struggles of my life don’t disappear just because I fly 1,000 miles away and sit in the sun around a pool.

Its just all the extra stuff that piles up and weighs me down. Things I can’t get away from, responsibilities I can’t dish off onto another parent, situations I have no say in and little hearts that I can not mend or protect well enough.

Its kind of like dog poop. Every week you go around the yard and pick it up and every day more shows up. No matter how careful you are at scouring the grass and the side yard, little poops surface and you feel like its a never ending battle against poo!

Yep, poo….that’s what it is. I’m sure you can find a reference to this in God’s word somewhere! Thankfully, I have found a little nugget(ha, no pun intended) of truth that gives me hope and understanding. It goes something lie this:

God is just: He will pay back trouble to those that trouble you. AND give RELIEF to you who are troubled ~ 2 Thes 1:6-7

I’m not saying I want someone to get it so I can get me some payback for these troubles…although I do know the end of the story and in the end, ALL the poo gets picked up! What I really get here is that the relief I am seeking comes from none other then Jesus himself. No vacation, no pool, no sun(well one son), no amount of serenity will bring lasting relief. Only One Just God can give me what I need, what I seek, what I desire, and surely I am thankful He joined me on this trip and accompanied me home.

Casting my cares and getting relief…..right back where I started.

Shopping…….

What trip is complete without shopping? I know, you are waiting for spiritual moment that took place on my time away, but that will come soon enought…or never…either way, don’t you want to know about the shopping in Palm Desert?

El Paseo is known as the Rodeo Drive of Palm Springs.

You can shope at places like this….

or like this….

I went into both, and realized I needed neither a bag nor any wonderful ‘bling’. I’m going to let someone else buy me ‘bling’ someday!

So I settled for this…

Here I am super excited for some quiet breakfast:

I sat in a comfy chair with a view of this….

and walked away successfully with this…

Beautiful and fun!

In 3 months and 20 days I’ll be turning 40. I figured I better contemplate what I want to do when I grow up because growing up is happening very fast and to have a plan is better then to fly by the seat of your pants!

When I grow up I want to:
1. Travel the world and watch people.
I’m thinking this could possibly be a paid job if I play my cards right. I’ve always been intrigued by people and how they act and how they dress and how they interact and how they do life(hence my degree in Human Development and Family Studies). Yesterday I spent about 2 1/2 hours sitting around a pool watching everyone. *don’t worry, I was wearing a big floppy sun hat and sun glasses…*
Anyhow….it was so great to see that other people have normally LOUD children. Other women have normally jiggly tummies. It was also not so great to have the 7 fowl mouth children at the pool unaccompanied by their parents and watch them bully all the little people at the pool. But it was interesting none-the less to see the grandparents of the little people scurry to the edge to gather their young for ‘snack time’.
Sitting poolside is an opportunity for great prayer ministry. Who says you have to be in a closet for prayer, I say be by the pool!

2. Use my passport
…yes I know this goes hand in hand with traveling the world and watching people. But I mean I want to use it for something fun, something great and something that makes a difference. This could be all wrapped up in one big trip or sorted into little trips of each category. My top 5 picks are: Africa, Rome, The Holy Lands, Australia, and somewhere tropical where I can stay in a cabana over the water!

3. Write a book
Have I mentioned this before? I actually have a great story line brewing for a fun fictional story. I’ve been re-writing my own life in my mind with a fictional character. Ya know, wanting to do things in real life that you know you can’t or shouldn’t but if you did, this is how it would play out, kind of things:) But I also know that God has planted a message in me that He is still tenderly growing and when its ready to be harvested you can be assured it will be to God’s glory.

4. See my kids graduate and turn into wonderful spirit filled adults
Isn’t this really every parents dream….It has become more of a focus to me lately. Being a mostly single parent and entering the teen years has made it abundantly clear that I’m running out of time. With the prospect of my oldest having to have all the skills he needs to make it on his own in 6 years is daunting. Right now its looking grim, but I’m sure all moms say that about their 12 1/2 year old boys right! I mean how will he even be mature enough to drive in a couple years…oh the joys of parenthood. All that I know is….when the day comes that I can look at my grown children and say to myself, well done Jesus, well done….that will be a good good day.

5. Study the bible and get a certificate or degree
UGH going back to school sounds horrific right now! I know, I’m the one that chose to put this on my ‘When I grow up’ list, and I really do want this. I’ve been looking into my options and am excited about the prospect. I really want to know God’s word more then what I can read and learn on my own. I’m ready to be taught and dissect it word for word, line for line. To understand the context and the lower layers of God’s word that only come from hours and days and months of digging! I’m not sure I really need to get my Master’s degree or if I would be content with just auditing classes…either way I’m looking forward to going back to school.

Ok, 5 is plenty for a soon to be oldy…..I’ll stick with these 5 and maybe add another fabulous 5 as I approach the big 5-0….until then it looks like I have plenty on my plate!

What do you want to do when you grow up? I know what I want to do now and that is go back to my prayer pool….

“Solitude begins with a time and place for God, and God Alone. In solitude we encounter not only God but also our true self.” ~Henri J.M. Nouwen

Hello Friends….
It has been a long time since I’ve posted and I appreciate your patience with the season of silence. If you’ve followed me, you know this past 2 years has been one of ups and downs and curveballs and the REALLY GOOD, REALLY BAD, and REALLY UGLY. Sometimes that comes with no creativity, desire or time to write.

This week I’m taking time to rejuvenate and think and breath and not have any responsibilities, except to get to my spa appointment on time! I will check in with you as God allows but the theme of this week is to embrace solitude and not only encounter God but encounter more of my true self.

You can be assured that although I’m alone, I’m not lonely. We are all alone..unique. No one else feels or experiences life the way I do. Some people experience this as loneliness, like a wound, but it should be experienced as solitude. A gift from God, an opportunity to discover how deeply loved we are by God. By a God who created us just the way we are and placed us each at just the place we are right now! Loneliness can be destructive when misunderstood but filled with promise for the one who is willing to discover the sweet joy that Jesus has to offer when in solitude.

Posts to look forward to this week….
~What I want to do when I grow up?
~Sunburns and how to treat them
~Does God really speak if you listen?
~TV and the secret behind proper channel surfing
~Photo Journal of a day shopping, brought to you by my blackberry

Off to the one appointment I HAVE to keep! CHEERS!