I will start this post with a disclaimer…I am just beginning my journey into seeking out the answers. I do not pretend to know everything or even enough little things to make any sense, but I do have lots of questions.
First, I will tell you that I am not doubting God or Salvation or HIS great love for you and me! I believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God: true, immutable, steadfast, and unchangeable. However, I still have questions and conflicts and this feeling of being taffy pulled over issues that have been debated over the years but mostly swept into the corners that are found within our Theological walls.
In the past I’ve been one to go with the flow on these issues, repeat what I’ve been taught, not question much or really wrestle with theological concepts. However, recently, due to circumstances you really don’t want details about, I have been most fascinatingly swept onto this path for God’s Truth on some tough questions that aren’t really ‘cut and dry, easy shmizy, got it all wrapped up in a great little answer’ type of questions. These questions that I’ve asked have more of an answer like, ‘yea well there’s lots of grey area and the ‘church’ doesn’t really have a specific stance on the issue for ALL situations’ or ‘There are many interpretations of scripture on that but more importantly is what is God saying to you’ or actually kind of more disturbing are the answers that are strictly Black/White, cut and dry, ‘this is the way that it is’ type of answers that actually create more questions for me that are unanswerable by others.
Are you following me? or am I making you question now? Good if I am, you need to be set a little off balance, it does a spirit good!
The questions I’ve been asking fall into the ‘sticky situation’ category, like Homosexuality(DNA or choice?), Baptism(child or adult?), Speaking in Tongues(for NOW or THEN?) These are not the one’s I’ve been grappling with but mine fall into the same “sticky” category. The one that the Church debates about, the ones that EVERYONE has an opinion about, the ones that God’s word isn’t ‘clear on the surface’ or may look clear but if you look closer, its really not.
The questions I have, have driven me deep into God’s word for answers. Deeper than what you read in scripture, deep enough to get to the bottom and discover there is no bottom. Deep enough that I’m not satisfied and want education and direction and will not stop until I have an answer that suffices.
Oh my, this post is really getting us nowhere, you are probably thinking that I’ve clearly lost it, I must be having a crisis of faith and you may even be calling the crisis team to send help my way.
Let me assure you, just the opposite has happened. I’ve taken up WAITING in the presence of God. Some of you may call this ‘wasting time’ but according to Sue Monk Kidd “While the Heart Waits”, there are untold transformations that happen in the WAITING, even if you don’t see immediate results..(get the book). I have a greater appreciation for those that seek to provide truth in their messages to the masses. It takes time and determination to uncover the hidden mysteries of the Word of God. And “this time” has brought me to a place where I know I can not stop. I am looking into online Master Degree programs that will give me the education necessary to ‘properly’(according to my own core value) interpret and dissect the Word of God. You see, I can’t just stop and accept what others are telling me, I have to know in my very core what is truth and what is God’s heart for my situation. I will find it, I will persevere, I will uncover the answers. I trust God to bring them and lead me to the place he has called me to be, to uncover the mysteries that need to be uncovered and to perhaps share them with people like myself.
What do you question?
True isn’t it…I can’t find the bottom and if I do, I know its just a mirage. I love the search and the wait!
“deep enough to get to the bottom and discover there is no bottom.” Love that.