If you are just joining us, we are looking at “5 steps to do before you say I do”. Many single woman have inquired about my love story and how I found my happily ever after….
Here we go:
1) Spend a minimum of one year with a therapist, life coach, counselor.
2) Date to find a life partner, not just to have fun
3) All of the important people have to approve
Yep, all of them! Start with your therapist! They know you the best and you have learned to trust them and they will honest with you. If he/she approves move on to your best friend, they need to love him if you are going to marry him. Then introduce him to your parents(even if they are skeptical). If this is your second marriage your parents may be overly skeptical but they still have to approve. Do the same with HIS circle of friends/family/counselor. If your man is a good one, the people you meet in his life will be looking out for HIS best interests too. You’ll know they love him and want the best for him by the questions they ask you. Don’t be offended if they look at you out of the corner of there eye, like they are trying to figure you out. That’s a good thing, usually, it means they want to be sure you are a good match for this guy and they love him. It’s important that everyone who you love, loves him. Unity.
4) Be committed to each other for 12-18 months
It takes that long before someone is really who they are. It takes that long until you can be ‘yourself’ around someone. It takes that long to have an opportunity to see faults and it takes that long to find out what they are like in every season. Preferably, this time is spent in each others daily lives as much as possible. Long distance relationships are hard. My love lived in Portland and I in bend but there wasn’t a week that went by that we didn’t spend LOTS of time together.
Preferably you put a hold on the sexual part of the relationship. It may not be easy but its best. You have the rest of your lives to be married and together and all kissy face…but you have to have the years under your belt before you know what you need to know to say I do.
Trust me on this one….I only waited 4 months before committing to marry my former husband. Not long enough and it was clear VERY soon after the wedding. GIVE IT TIME! Don’t be afraid to end a relationship that has red flags, ANY concerns. Now is not the time to do counseling and work on problems. Now is not the time to work on core values together. He either has it or he doesn’t. Don’t compromise, don’t waist your precious time. If its meant to be you’ll know, if its not you’ll have doubts. Trust the doubts and move on.
If after these 4 steps you still want to hang out with this guy forever and he doesn’t want to leave your side and you REALLY don’t have any second thoughts or doubts….then you are probably ready to be his wife. He’s probably making plans to propose. But what about the KIDS?
If you have children they come first. When does he meet the kids? How does he meet the kids? What if your kids aren’t ready? How do you date a guy the kids don’t like?
All this to come in the last and MOST important step….
…..#5 If you have children involved…..
check back later tonight:)