What if you have kids?

We’ve been spending the last couple days looking at the “5 steps to do before you say I do”. There’s been much talk recently amongst my single friends about how to find a good man and know it’s a good one. I am just sharing 5 points that I KNOW made a difference in my story and I believe they are important for all women to follow if they are looking for a husband and not just someone to date.

1) Spend a minimum of one year with a therapist, life coach, counselor.

2) Date to find a life partner, not just to have fun

3) All of the important people have to approve

4) Be committed to each other for 12-18 months

5) If you have children involved….

Children don’t get to meet Mr. Wonderful until you have done all the other steps! They don’t even get to know he exists!

Ok…you don’t have to be together for 12-18 months but you have to have done all the other things. You have to relatively sure that Mr. Wonderful is who says he is and that he is gonna be the guy that is hanging around forever. You have to know from him that these are his intentions too. Kids don’t need to meet every potential suitor. They only need to meet the ONE man who will be THE ONE.

In my opinion you don’t’ have any business in dating or having a boyfriend or any of this sort of cavorting if you have kids. They don’t need to be a part of your drama. They should be your number one priority. So how do you know if they are ready? They will tell you…

My kids said things like, you don’t want to die alone do you? They were wondering if I’d ever have a boyfriend? They were asking inquisitively, WHEN this might happen and my daughter would prefer that whoever it was they worked at Goodies ice cream shop. They were dreaming.

They met my ‘future husband’ after he and I had done all of the above steps and were together for over 4 months. My kids had no idea he existed until the day they met. It was very casual. He came over, we did homework together, they talked, we went out for ice cream, we came home and hung out for a little while, then he left. My kids fell head over heels for the guy the moment they met him and wondered when he would be coming back. There was no doubt, no awkwardness, no problems, no worries. The kids slept better that night then they had in years.

If there had been any of those moments there would have been no more dating, no future-husband thoughts, no marriage. No question, done deal. That’s it. You see your little(or big) ones need you and they don’t need anymore unwelcomed major changes in their life. They need to grow up safe and secure and cherished. If we insist upon fulfilling our own desires ahead of our children, they will end up sociopaths….or something you don’t want them to be. Your job is to raise them to be the best they can be and if having a man in you life comes ahead of them, they will know it and you and your man will pay for it!

Phew, that was a long point and yet I’m not sure I used enough words to get my point across. or maybe I used to many…. NO MAN UNLESS THE KIDs ARE ALL IN!4)

I do hope these last few posts have helped you. If they don’t pertain to you send your single lady friends my way….

Also, I’m available to meet and chat about these things, so if you read this and need someone to sort stuff out with give me a nudge, I’ll make time.

I care about you.