Tick, tick, tick

As I sit here by the fire I hear the tick, tick, tick of timer and I realize its leading me into a panic attack. What happens when the time is up? The fire will go out and my ambiance will be ruined. The coffee pot is still full and my heart has not been refueled from the days gone by. More time, I need more time. Then all of a sudden the fire SNAPS off and yet I still hear the ticking, as to remind me that there may still be more time. And finally silence. No fire, no tick. Done.

I’ve heard the tick all week. I’m spending this week with my family at my parents hideaway in southern Arizona. Since we’ve arrived we’ve been touring around together, playing games, laughing, enjoying…but I’ve been watching. Time is ticking. My little kids are big. My brother is getting old (nudge, nudge: wonder if he reads this blog?). My parents live far away. My Husband has been in my life for 4 years now Time goes by quickly and you can’t get it back.

I look at what the next 4 years will bring and I wonder what Thanksgiving 2017 will look like. Where will we be? Where will my 19 year old son be and how will my 16 year old daughter be fairing? Will my parents still be healthy and happy? Will the tick, tick, tick of the timer be louder? Can I get a pause button or a silencer? Would it be better to count my seconds or to forget that they even exist?

Your eyes will see your Teacher, and whenever you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear this command behind you: “This is the way. Walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:20-21)

This verse has crossed my path many times this last week. What does it have to do with time? I am not sure it has so much to do with time, as it does to lead us in the way we should use time. One of the biggest concerns I have this week is that I don’t waste time. I want to go on those walks with my mom. I want to get those hugs from my dad. I want to hear the giggles from my boy and sit in the hot tub with my little girl. I want to cuddle my husband and joke with my brother. The clock is ticking.

So how do I make sure I gobble it all up? I look for my Teacher. This scripture reminds me that I have a guide. I have a God that if I look to Him, He will guide me. Whenever I turn, whatever I do, I will hear Him…”This is the way. Walk in it.”. I’m sure that this truth goes much deeper than what game to play with my family or which child to sit by during the movie but for me today it is enough to silence the ticking and lead me beside still waters. It is enough to settle my disrupted soul and to trust the one who has given us the seconds that are slowly tick, tick, ticking away. He is the one that holds time in His hands and as I listen for His directions, each moment, each second, each minute will be used for His glory and it will be enough.


My Thankful List

We are one week away from Thanksgiving and 6 days away from my moms birthday.  What better time to do a thankful list.  Perfect timing would be Thanksgiving day, but I’ll be in (not so sunny right now) Arizona, where my parents have decided to nest for 7 months this year!! Before we fly out Saturday, I have a business trip to Portland with 3 meetings, multiple trainings and lots of smiling with plastic in my mouth. (Have I told you about the plastic splint my dentist has plagued me with for 4-6 months? NO? oh…so sad, story for another day I suppose).

Here it is, in no particular order, except the first one:

  1. My husband, the gentle leader, compassionate lover and peaceful friend. 
  2. Children that teach me more about myself then I can ever hope to teach them.
  3. Parents who sought after the American dream and found it, that I can live it today.
  4. A brother who brings me lunch and loves my husband like he’s his brother, YO!
  5. In-Laws that love their son wildly and treat his step children like they are his first born!
  6. The people who give up HOURS of their week to work for our company, you are the reason I loose sleep at night and work when you are sleeping!
  7. Chocolate
  8. Coffee
  9. Mexican food
  10. Dip, specifically Dad’s Dip (you are the king Daddy, we should really market this stuff)
  11. Round-abouts…its how we drive in my city
  12. My City: Bend you are simply divine and clearly the most beautiful place in the world
  13. People of Bend: you are the kindest most generous city I have ever known and I lived in Eugene where “free love” began.
  14. Piper and Syd, you two canine’s are perfect friends that bring balance to our family
  15. Shelter, I have it and lots of people don’t
  16. Air, it is manna from heaven, thank you for supplying us each day Lord
  17. Blankets, life without at least 6 blankets in the living room is lacking sufficiently
  18. Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit, do I even need to list them or are they a given?
  19. Peace, there is no war in my area of the world but others are not so blessed
  20. Orthodontists that know how to stop jaw pain and are kind (shout out to Dr. G!)
  21. My eyes, my hands, my muscles, my body, my lungs my breath…you get the idea
  22. Trinity Lutheran School, they educate my kids and pray for them, an unusual combo
  23. Friends…the ones I see everyday and the ones I see every year, you are important to me!
  24. The Sun, I would like to live closer to it
  25. YOU…because you read what I write and with each post at least one of you hears the voice of God and moves a little bit further in your journey.  I know because you share with me..privately..maybe you can comment every once in a while.  No pressure.

Thanks for being a part of my life and trusting that my words somehow are worth your time.

Happy Thanksgiving….


Cream, honey & a little bit of cinnamon

These are my condiments of choice lately in my morning coffee.  Cream, honey and a little bit of cinnamon!  With the fire glowing in the corner of the room and the sun just beginning to light the sky I sit and sip on this little bit of heaven.

Over the years this morning time has changed from time to time.  I remember when mornings were my enemy, now they are my favorite part of the day.   No one is up yet, except my furry canine friends.  I always try to make sure the area I plan to sit in is clean and ready the night before so it can invite me in like a good familiar friend.

These times have been used for studying God’s word or praying or reading.  What I do during this time changes like the seasons.  Its never the same.  Lately, its been a time to sit and watch the lights of the universe turn on and illuminate the darkness, literally and figuratively.  Basically, I’ve been doing a lot of sitting and staring and listening.  I’m listening for the still small voice that gives direction to my day and hope to my future.

Coffee can have a bitter little taste to it.  Its much like life isn’t it?  We like it and really want it but the bitterness sometimes can be distracting to the joy of it.  So, I add a little cream.  I think when we stop in life and allow some rich fatty smoothness to cover the bitterness, not only does it make it less DARK but it makes it a touch more palatable. 

I use the honey as a sweetener.  The ‘nectar of the gods’, they call it.  The Israelites were wandering for years, travelling to the land of milk and honey.  Honey is low glycemic which means it’s a carbohydrate that is released slowly instead of burned up to fast.  Don’t you think we need to add a little honey into our lives?  Something precious and spiritual, that has meaning and doesn’t burn up to fast.  Life without honey just speeds away.  A honey filled life is sweet and full of promise.

Lastly cinnamon.  Spice it up my friends.  Sometimes the everyday sugar and cream coffees suffice but aren’t there times when you wish it had just a little more kick.  I’ve found that if I’m not purposeful in putting in a little extra spice, changing things up a little bit, that I begin to get in a rut and then coffee doesn’t even sound good anymore.  Life can get that way right.  Where it doesn’t even sound good?  Do you ever just want to press the stop button and get off?  I’ll be honest, I do..not in a permanent take my life kind of way (no need to call the crisis team) but can’t you agree with me that some days you wish you could just call Jesus back to this earth and get this whole ‘eternal life, Jesus as ruler of the world’ thing started!  I do, and so I have to remember that shaking a little spice around here and there, is integral to a good sip, every now and again.

That’s my wisdom for the day…coming up, my thankfulness list.