Sharing My Heart

Tick, tick, tick

As I sit here by the fire I hear the tick, tick, tick of timer and I realize its leading me into a panic attack. What happens when the time is up? The fire will go out and my ambiance will be ruined. The coffee pot is still full and my heart has not been refueled from the days gone by. More time, I need more time. Then all of a sudden the fire SNAPS off and yet I still hear the ticking, as to remind me that there may still be more time. And finally silence. No fire, no tick. Done.

I’ve heard the tick all week. I’m spending this week with my family at my parents hideaway in southern Arizona. Since we’ve arrived we’ve been touring around together, playing games, laughing, enjoying…but I’ve been watching. Time is ticking. My little kids are big. My brother is getting old (nudge, nudge: wonder if he reads this blog?). My parents live far away. My Husband has been in my life for 4 years now Time goes by quickly and you can’t get it back.

I look at what the next 4 years will bring and I wonder what Thanksgiving 2017 will look like. Where will we be? Where will my 19 year old son be and how will my 16 year old daughter be fairing? Will my parents still be healthy and happy? Will the tick, tick, tick of the timer be louder? Can I get a pause button or a silencer? Would it be better to count my seconds or to forget that they even exist?

Your eyes will see your Teacher, and whenever you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear this command behind you: “This is the way. Walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:20-21)

This verse has crossed my path many times this last week. What does it have to do with time? I am not sure it has so much to do with time, as it does to lead us in the way we should use time. One of the biggest concerns I have this week is that I don’t waste time. I want to go on those walks with my mom. I want to get those hugs from my dad. I want to hear the giggles from my boy and sit in the hot tub with my little girl. I want to cuddle my husband and joke with my brother. The clock is ticking.

So how do I make sure I gobble it all up? I look for my Teacher. This scripture reminds me that I have a guide. I have a God that if I look to Him, He will guide me. Whenever I turn, whatever I do, I will hear Him…”This is the way. Walk in it.”. I’m sure that this truth goes much deeper than what game to play with my family or which child to sit by during the movie but for me today it is enough to silence the ticking and lead me beside still waters. It is enough to settle my disrupted soul and to trust the one who has given us the seconds that are slowly tick, tick, ticking away. He is the one that holds time in His hands and as I listen for His directions, each moment, each second, each minute will be used for His glory and it will be enough.

Amen!

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