Why I didn’t write in 2015

Saint John of the Cross wrote about “The Dark Night of the Soul”.  The journey is called “The Dark Night”, because darkness represents the hardships and difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world and reaching the light of the union with the Creator.  “The “dark night of the soul” is a term that goes back a long time.  It is a term used to describe what one could call a breakdown of a perceived meaning in life…a deep sense of meaninglessness.  The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression.  Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.  Some will call this the “Wilderness Experience”.

Now many of you may call this a bunch of bunk but for me it was a real season of testing for me in my faith.  I NEVER stopped believing in the saving grace of my Savior Jesus Christ or of the goodness and faithfulness of God, but I did have an extended time of being distant from God, not finding much joy or purpose in my life.  I was VERY ready to be called home to my God in Heaven and be done with this world.  I was in the desert for much of 2015.

The one gift that I carried with me was the verse from Isaiah 32:18 “My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”  I knew that this word was given to me in January and was the promise awaiting me for the year of 2015.  With that I pressed on in silence.  I waited on the Lord, only to hear crickets.  I woke up everyday and did that which was before me.  I did life because it is what God had called me to do but God was nowhere to be found.  He was eerily silent.

Here is what I learned:

1. God always takes care of His people in the Wilderness.

He may not seem like He is present but He is.  He promises to never leave us or forsake us.  Just because you can’t hear his voice or FEEL his presence doesn’t mean He has abandoned you.  I was hemmed in on every side and knew I was safe and protected.  If God brought me to this place of solitude, I could trust His plan and be patient as He did what He needed to do.

2.  God will not leave you in the desert.  If you remain in the wilderness , you will eventually die “He brought us out from there in order to bring us in, to give us the land which he has sworn to our fathers” Deut 6:23

3.  The wilderness has but one goal to sift us, reduce us, and strip us down to Christ alone.

It does indeed do this!  I am more dependent upon the Holy Spirit today then at any other time in my life.  My unsure self finds its assurance in Christ alone for every decision, every thought, every fear, every test, every need, every want, every work.

4.  The wilderness is a symbol of “new beginnings”.

As I entered the wilderness it took me some time to figure out what in the world was going on.  Once I was aware that this was a “Dark Night” given to me by God as a time of sanctification.  I settled in for the long haul and was willing to wait for God’s work to be complete because I KNEW that in the end, no matter how long it took, that God was doing a new thing.  “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

I would never trade time in the wilderness for any comforts in this world!  So take hope my friend, if this is a season of Wilderness Wandering for you or if the discomforts of this world weigh heavy upon you…God has a plan.  He is working whether you see it or not.  His ways are not your ways but His blessings are worth it!  He is a good good Father!

And this is why I did not write in 2015!  But alas, the words are coming back and the desire to share is bubbling up.

Let 2016 come!


Home….Part 2

I was used to words like, Acceleration or Shift, but last year I received the word HOME.  You can read about it HERE.  Each year I take some time to contemplate all that God has done in the year past.  I rejoice in the great things and lament in the sorrows but always I give thanks that My God loves me and goes before me!  I have a great trust in His faithfulness and never ending hope in His goodness.

Over the last handful of years I have a “word” that has been the capstone to the year ahead.  Its a word that lead me into the next 12 months and gives me a focus to prepare me for the work the Lord will have me do. This year, the word was HOME.  As you can read in my blog, I was not at all impressed with the word.  As a matter of fact I rejected the word multiple times and continued to pray and seek God for a new word.  I even contemplated not having a word for the year!  But alas, I embraced the word “home” and went on my merry way.

This year of HOME has been interesting.  There have been some changes with my business and there has been great growth in my children.  My marriage is a balanced partnership and full of love.  My heart (home) is full and my eyes are set on things above but I haven’t really seen much HOME being reflected in this year.  Until……

I sat in my den, reading my bible and watching the glow of the sun slowly rise over the homes in my culdesac and shine on the cars parked outside my window.  I moved to look out the back window and saw 5 housetops with frosty roofs, dead corn in the pot on our patio (our attempt to be farmers on our .13 acre lot) and listened as the dog next door barked incessantly.  As my son received a third notice of violation for parking his car on the street in front of our house (homeowners associations and CCR’s have their drawbacks), I began to dream about OPEN SPACES, and gardens, and silence.

The next thing I knew my husband was dreaming of the same things and then we found a treasure in a field and knew we had to see if God would open the doors to allow us to acquire it.  We placed our house on the market, sold it in 11 days, placed on offer on the new property…2 rejections and 1 lovely acceptance later, we are moving!

I had no idea that the word HOME meant a REAL HOME!

As we see God’s had all over this new move in our life, I am convinced that I have a God that goes before me.  It says in Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” and Psalm 139:5 “You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me”.

When you trust in the God who is Sovereign over all things, you find an adventure where you go where He leads, you live where He is and you rest in His presence.

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

view from gift road

This is the view from our new home on GIFT RD…Wide open spaces.  #blessed #amazed #thankful #eventhestreetnameshowsGodsgoodness


Remember this? Stay tuned for Part 2…..

Sharing My Heart

I often times wonder what life would have been like as a stay-at-home mom.  I wonder how many educational degrees I would have or how clean and organized my house would be(I know all you stay-at-home moms are laughing in my face right now but indulge my wayward thinking).  I wonder if my kids would be better scholars or have more interests.  I wonder if I would be closer to Jesus or if I would have memorized more bible verses.

It has been 10 days of stay-at-home mom for me.  No work, no agenda, just mommying and wifeying and homemaking.  I took some naps too and did the whole Christmas celebration thing as well, but mostly its been just doing life, in my house, with no work.

I love it!

As we speak, there is cinnamon roll dough rising over the fireplace (my husband is going to go crazy because…

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