Sharing My Heart

A Prayer for my Son

This has been a really tumultuous year. (defined as: marked by disturbance and uproar; excited. confused, or disorderly.)

It started out with the deepest snow winter I’ve experienced in Central Oregon in the last 16 years.  I love snow but this was ridiculous….it just kept coming.  We had to tend to our roof, for fear of it caving in, we shoveled our 1/8th of a mile driveway 3 times and it was cold and depressing.

Then Trump became president.  This is not for or against, its just plain weird.  Celebrity Apprentice host becomes new tweet obsessed president…weird, not normal.

Then more snow.

Then my daughter starts thinking seriously about changing schools from the school she has been attending since she was 4, with 11 kids in her class, to a public high school with close to 2,000 attendees.  Not a bad thought, just different, not our norm.

March 24, 2017, one day before our 5 year wedding anniversary, I find my husband dead in the bed.  I’m not startled to say that anymore, its a fact, it carries no post-traumatic stress with it (Thank you God for the faith you imparted to me, may I never depart from your presence), its part of our normal, which is weird and not normal.  He lived and we are ever changed by it.

Then a personal life struggle/sin/stronghold was graciously flushed out and by the Grace of God I am free and forgiven.  The darkness found the light and it changed everything for me, for my husband, for my family, for my business.  God is THAT good.

Abby decided to transfer to that public school in the fall and so we visited and registered and planned out her new path and that was odd but completely right at the same time.

Then Noah graduated from High School and it was over.  Now all the choices are his.  If there are things he wants to achieve, knowledge he wants to gain, friends he wants to make it is now entirely up to him.  Sure I’m here…but he doesn’t really want mama’s unsolicited advice….so he moved out and I gave him a love letter and I watched him drive away and then he called a few hours later for “solicited advice” and I gave it to him but I didn’t solve his problem, he gets to do that.

Interesting, odd, not “normal, weird, strange  year so far…..

In January, I wrote about ABIDE and my hearts desire was to have my “abiding” count.  I believe that God has given me plenty of opportunity to test that hearts desire of mine and by His grace and mercy, He has received all the glory and my faith is stronger.

About that letter to my son….I said lots of sappy things that moms will say to their sons as they leave because its the deep feelings of a momma’s heart but I also shared wisdom with him. Things like Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe. Proverbs 8:26 AND remember Noah The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction Prov 1:7 AND Dear Son: Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil. Prov 3:7

And then I shared with him the prayer I will be praying for him every day and every night:

That God will pursue Noah, and do everything it takes to grab his heart and make it His own! And that Noah in turn, would abandon all that this world has to offer in exchange for the One and Only Living God. 

Amen

….partner with me in praying that prayer for Noah.  I saw the power of prayer bring my husband back to life and I will abide with God until this prayer is answered as well.  May we ALL abandon all this world has to offer in exchange for the One and Only living God.

Let it be so for Noah….let it be so…..

What if he had died?

My last post generated hundred’s of you to stop by my blog for a visit.  This caused me to pray for you as you had an opportunity to read about our adventure and wondered about the questions you were asking yourself and the questions you were asking God about such challenges in life.  I thought of two questions I might have, if I was in your shoes…..

1. What if he had died?
2. Would God have been there for you if you weren’t walking a holy life?

I’ll start with the second one because I am most amazed that God was with us so closely and so personally, when we are such broken and messed up individuals.  I’ll speak for myself here but I am pretty confident Brek would jump on my band wagon.  We are broken, sinful, desperate human beings.  We have not yet arrived to this holy place you think may exist for people like us, that seek God and feebly attempt to live for Him

God showed up despite our sin.  In fact, God shows up because of our sin!  I know you’ve heard it before but while we were yet sinners, God sent His son to pay the debt of our sin (past, present, future).  Jesus died the death we deserved and reconciled our debt so that we can have a restored relationship with the God of all creation.  When we believe that with all that we are (heart and mind), our debt of sin is cancelled, we don’t have to pay because Jesus paid and God sees us as the inheritors of Christ’s righteousness.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Cor. 5:21

So you see, the only thing that we have is Jesus.  His righteousness is ours because we have faith in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ for us.  It doesn’t mean we are without sin.  We….I….am not.  I am and was chief sinner, before the heart attack, during the heart attack and even now.  I am sinful.  True, I’m ever being changed into the likeness of my savior because I seek after Him and WANT desperately to bring Him glory.  BUT….despite my sin, GOD WAS THERE.  You do not need any secret sauce or special equation to receive the EXACT same grace and mercy we received during our trial.  You simply need to believe and trust.

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

This  may not be your time to trust Jesus and I’m ok with that.  I love you right where you are and just who you are but I know that someday even you will have the opportunity to believe.  The bible tells us that one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord (Phil 2:10-11).  That means you too!  Personally, I am thankful that God has called me to faith in Him NOW…I needed Him last month and I have no idea how tragic life would be if not for GOD.  I also know that there will come a time when it will be to late to believe.  This world is not intended to last forever, we get one shot to get it right and the only right way is Faith in Jesus.  Without it you will be responsible to pay the debt of your own sin.  Please don’t wait to long to turn and trust.

Question #1  What if he had died?

I would have cried more and longer.  I would have had to make some hard decisions.

I would have still given God Glory.  I would have still rejoiced in His faithfulness. If he had died, I would still proclaim that God is in charge, I would have still proclaimed His goodness and I would be ok.

Our church would still have come to our side and walked along with me as we navigated the strange waters.  They still would have prayed, they still would have fed me and they still would have given toward our financial need.  PEOPLE, if you do not have a church that responds to your needs and your celebrations this way, then find one!  The church is meant to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  I look forward to the opportunity to be this to another church family member when given the chance.  We are blessed by our church.

And finally, if he had died, I would have celebrated!

Brek believes with all of his heart the truth of Philipians 1:21 “to live is Christ, to die is gain”.  If he had died he would have GAINED big time.  I know this and He knows this.  This does not mean we live to die, it just means we understand life is precious but to die means we gain wholeness and eternal life. Its the destination we long for, its our destiny.

We believed this before the heart failure but we believe it even more now.  We cherish LIFE!  We intend to cherish it more and to live it more for Christ then ever before!  But we know that to die is gain and when that time comes we will celebrate.