Sharing My Heart

The Lost Year

Posted on March 29, 2021March 29, 2021 by Tracy

Hi!

I’m back. Or did I ever really go anywhere? To me it’s as if no time passed at all but also like a whole generation of time was passed over in the year 2020! What in the world happened to us? What happened to you?

Here is my flyover:

March 2020 I stayed home, mostly, and even did Church at home

April 2020 I hung out with friends secretively, which felt daring and helped move my sons family into a new home.
May 2020 I had a fun date in the back of the truck with my husband, played with my sweet grandson, saw some nice sunsets and we took a camping trip with friends (again, I felt rebellious because of covid).
June 2020 My brother, husband and I purchased a house in Tumalo and started a new company that will offer short-term rentals, long-term rentals and other fun things.
July 2020 I moved my office home as we renovated the new house in Tumalo to be my DBS “office”. Renovations are just now being completed….Brek worked hard and it looks amazing…hit me up if you want to rent it someitme:)
August 2020 My son married his beautiful bride and they announced grandson #2 would be arriving in January. Brek turned 49….I also turned 49 and soon we will be celebrating adulthood. We went crabbing and did a sunset dinner at Mt. Bachelor.

September 2020 Abby had her dear friend come visit, because covid kept her homebound her sophomore year and doing online school. Brek and I took off with some dear friends for a trip to SEDONA, AZ….highlight of 2020!

Wrapping up Summer 2020…we did CHURCH outside and that was FANTASTIC. When it moved inside I was sad.
October 2020 Brek hurt his neck and was in pain for a long time and then had a cortisone shot in November or December or sometime in 2020 and is mostly better today. Although last week was rough.
November 2020 I started knitting Christmas stockings and got all 3 done:)

December 2020 My Grandson turned 2 and I went to Christmas Eve service at church with a mask on and had a panic attack and my heart was broken and I’ll explain this all in a later blog. I never went back until last Sunday.
January 2021 Grandson #2 arrived and I fell in love again!

In mid December 2020…all of the constipation of 2020, hit the fan and I’ll spare you the details but it included an infection that wouldn’t heal and *unrelated* Shingles outbreak on my face, which is still not 100% resolved.

I guess I could say it was a typical year with ups and downs and side trails and normal stuff…..but we can’t kid ourselves, 2020 was different. Life is different. It probably won’t ever be the same. It’s most likely the end of days and Christ is on His way to get us! RIGHT?! Please tell me I’m not alone in the desperate hope that our Savior returns and makes this all reconciled and corrects all the wrongs!!

I can say for sure that I grew in my faith, this weird year of 2020. I didn’t just sit at home, pissed off at the government and frozen in time. I actually sought Christ, like I had all the other previous years. You see that is the ONE constant in my life. The ONE thing that actually makes sense. The ONE thing that brings any amount of sanity and purpose to my life, to the ridiculous covid thing. Jesus.

Suggestion, if your behind in the “Seek Jesus” department, seek to KNOW HIM! Read “Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers” by Dane Ortlund. I’m not yet done with it but I can tell you it would/should/will rock your understanding of Christ and probably change your relationship with Him.

So, did you loose a year? Did I loose a year? or did the ridiculousness (please don’t send me emails about your opinion of the things that transpired due to the pandemic that you agree or disagree with in regards to me calling it ridiculous) of the pandemic simply change your lens or did it cloud the year you lived? Do you think its a choice we made to allow it to muddle our experience? Sure, it was something that happened that we couldn’t avoidm but could we have lived it better? I think I could have. Now, as I sort out how to live out 2021 with better purpose and with better results, I WILL return to writing. I WILL do better.

Help me out here…what will you do better? How will your 2021 be different?

Covid-19 fear and death

Posted on May 19, 2020 by Tracy

Well, Hello there!

I return back to this blog today after 5 months of weirdness. Things are still weird but I’ve settled into it a little better now. This corona-virus thing has really got the world turned upside down doesn’t it? How about you? How are you surviving? Has this shut-down revealed some fear or worry in your heart that perhaps you didn’t know about? What are you doing to cope?

I’m so thankful my word of the year is TRUST and specifically TRUST GOD.Yes, there is the pandemic scare which is prime material to learn to trust God through but more then that there are kids at college, lost jobs, grandchildren, kids home from college, and other miscellaneous fodder that is prime for the taking to feed my worry idol…

I’ve actually learned a lot about my worry idol in the last 5 months. Using God’s word through this FANTASTIC READING PLAN has kept my attention and will definitely get me to the finish line of reading through the bible in a year. Did you know the Bible is integral to your sanctification process? Sure you can just skate along in the christian life and check the boxes of “I Believe” and church attendance, but there is so much more for you. If you are ready to go deeper into your relationship with Jesus, give me a jingle and I’d be happy to counsel you toward that.

Other books that have been helpful for me is “Trusting God” by Jerry Bridges and “Mindscape: What to think about instead of worry” by Timothy Z. Witmer. I’m actually just reading one chapter at a time in both of these books and letting the truth sink in. Its been powerful!

Anyhow, I’ve found some freedom from worry and have really settled into a fantastic partnership with God Himself. Learning to live life for HIM alone. Learning to ensure my words, actions, choices, are are for HIM alone. Learning to remember to ask myself “what are you thinking right now and how can you change that to reflect TRUST in GOD rather then fear or worry”, has been integral. It really has been a journey of applying Ephesians 4:22-24, putting on the new by being renewed in the spirit of my mind.

image0 (1) Isn’t this true…The time we spend in fear and worry just steals from us. Luke 12:25 says “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” NONE OF YOU. Worry really does no good at all. So, if by chance you find yourself tending toward worry during this time of uncertainty, I challenge you to reconsider what you do with your time, mind and emotions. If you need help determining how to break free form a rut, send me a message and I’d be happy to chat with you about it!

That’s all for today, just wanted to give you and update and send you some encouragement toward doing something else with your time and mind during the pandemic. Seek Christ! Read the Word! Be at Peace!

Amen

The problem with trust is…..

Posted on January 17, 2020January 17, 2020 by Tracy

….you’re not in control🤦‍♀️

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

I actually think chariots and horses seem a little less trustworthy then the things of this world than I choose to trust in but I’ll go with this for a bit. Here in Psalm 20 we have a group of people with the Lord as Commander-in-Chief over the anointed king-general and all the soldiers going into war. So, in contrast to current day war counsels, these people gathered with the Lord in prayer before and after battles. They offered prayers, confirmed their confidence in God as their victor and reaffirmed their dependence to Him alone. The people placed their hope that the Lord himself would uphold and sustain their efforts and be powerfully present throughout the war. In this Psalm, the people are declaring that some warriors trust in their transportation and their weapons to gain victory but WE, GODS PEOPLE, TRUST IN THE NAME OF THE LORD!

Well, I’m not in a war battle with horses and chariots. But I often try to trust in the things of this world to win the battle for me and for those I love. Work harder, save more, make more, keep your house orderly, spend less, drive less, eat less, exercise more, get stronger, don’t give up…

These are the mantra’s that go through my mind when life gets tough and the battle is raging. Its not that they, in and of themselves, are bad mantra’s. But I have almost always defaulted to trusting in horses and chariots FIRST, then going to the Lord Commander in Trust.

Until…..2020.

Fortunately, unfortunately, I’ve been given the opportunity to TRUST GOD right out of the gates this year. I’ve been given a few circumstances that have brought me to a place where anxiety rages, my mind reels and my stomach turns. So, I’m in a battle to turn from the “WHAT SHOULD I/WE DO TO FIX THIS” toward “We/I TRUST IN THE NAME OF THE LORD OUR GOD”.

Sure, in the past I eventually got there…to the I TRUST IN THE NAME OF THE LORD part but it was always through the “WHAT AM I GONNA DO” swamp first. God is training me to go to I TRUST FIRST and ya know what I’m finding out…..the swamp seems dryer and less boggy!

So yes, the problem with trust is that you’re not in control. But the beauty of trust is also the same, you are not in control. There is a freedom and comfort that comes with faith and trust in the GOD of the universe, the Lord of all, the Giver of Life and the Giver of ALL GOOD THINGS. How about we all take a moment to TRUST IN THE NAME OF THE LORD today?

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24